What is anxiety?
Anxiety is the thought that you can’t cope with your current situation or that something bad might happen at any time. It’s the emotions of worry and nervousness that go along with that thought. And it’s physical feelings like ‘butterflies in the stomach, tension, shakiness, nausea and sweatiness.
In these difficult times that we live in Anxiety is a normal reaction to challenging, unfamiliar or stressful situations. Teenagers and adolescents have had a very tough time over the last 18 months. In most countries, they have been unable to attend school or to meet with friends to decompress and destress. It’s been hard enough on adults let alone younger people.
Anxiety in teenagers
Anxiety is very common in the pre-teen and teenage years.
This is because adolescence is a time of emotional, physical and social change, which is all happening at the same time as teenage brains structures and chemistry are changing. Teenagers are seeking new experiences and more independence too. They want to venture out on their own and current restrictions have stopped this from happening. However, teenagers might also worry about the future, life paths, life changes, money, opportunities and challenges.
For example, teenagers might worry about starting secondary school, sitting exams, looking a particular way, fitting in with friends and friendship groups, performing in sports teams, music performances, plays at school or going to social events. Sometimes they might even have what an adult would consider irrational concerns – for example, that the world is going to end. Although the last 18 months might have changed a few adults minds about this.
For everyone feeling anxious is a normal part of the normal range of emotions, just like feeling angry, frustrated, happy, sad or embarrassed. For most teenagers and adolescents, anxiety is just a passing thing and doesn’t last for long. However, for some teenagers, it doesn’t go away or is so intense that it stops them from doing everyday things. This is when a trained professional can be needed.
Managing anxiety: helping teenagers
Managing anxiety is an important life skill, which with the right help, teenagers develop. Here are other key ways to help your teenager learn to manage everyday anxiety.
Talking can be difficult but is important
- One of the most important ways to help your teenager develop this skill is by talking with them about their worries. By talking openly about anxiety, you send the message that your teenager can come to you when they need to. And even if your child doesn’t always want to talk, they’ll know you’re there to support them.
- Talk to your teenager about your own worries when you were their age. Remind your teenager that many teenagers feel anxious and that feeling anxious is normal.
- Talk with your teenager about their other emotions – for example, ‘You seem really excited about the football match’. This sends the message that all emotions, positive and negative, come and go.
- Listen actively to your teenager. Active listening is a skill that has to be learnt but will pay off and not just with your child.
- Let your teenager explain their feelings in their own words and don’t rush to reassure them or solve problems for them. Sometimes your teenager just wants someone to vent to or run ideas by. Active listening lets your teenager know that you understand how they’re feeling. It can also help your teenager identify their thoughts and feelings, which is a good first step to managing them.
Helping your teenager face their anxiety
- Gently encourage your teenager to do the things they’re anxious about. However, it’s a fine line between encouragement and pushing your teenager to face situations they don’t want to face.
- Acknowledge your teenager’s anxiety and fear – don’t dismiss or ignore it. It’s very important for your teenager to feel that you take them seriously and that you believe they can overcome their fears. Your teenager also needs to know that you’ll be there to support them and pick up the pieces if it all goes horribly wrong.
- Help your teenager set small goals for things that they feel a little anxious about. Encourage your teenager to meet the goals, but don’t step in too early or take control. It’s better to hang back as part of their support team. For example, your teenager might be anxious about the big game that coming up. As a first step, you could suggest your child practises their skills with you.
Helping your teenager explore and understand their feelings
- Help your teenager understand that it’s normal to go through a big range of emotions and that sometimes these can be strong emotions.
Thinking about your family life and routine
- Make time in your family routine for things that your teenager enjoys and finds fun or relaxing. These could be simple things like playing or listening to music, reading books or going for walks.
- Spend time with people your teenager likes, trusts and feels comfortable around.
- Encourage a healthy lifestyle for your teenagers, with plenty of physical activity, sleep and healthy food and drink. It’s also important for your teenager to avoid alcohol and other drugs, as well as unnecessary teenage stress.
Strong parent-teenager relationships are good for young people’s mental health. At times it can be very difficult to achieve but remember you are the adult and it’s your job to be there for them. A sense of belonging to family and friends can help protect teenagers from mental health problems like anxiety disorders. Your support can have a direct and positive influence on your child’s mental health.
Getting help for teenage anxiety
If anxiety has started to interfere with your teenager’s everyday activities, your teenager might have an anxiety problem or disorder. These problems can be treated, and the earlier they’re treated the less they’ll affect your teenager’s development.
Your child will need professional support.