It can be particularly challenging to work with sexual abuse victims when years later they carry self-negative beliefs about themselves and a lot of self-blame and shame. We say in psychology that feelings of guilt and shame are the two hardest feelings the human being can live with. During sexual abuse therapy, the aim is to neutralize the self-blame and to get rid of the feeling of guilt and shame.
I hear it very often from the victims of abuse.
“This is all my fault, I am bad and I deserve this. I have brought this on myself and I should be ashamed of myself. I should be punished’’
A lot of people who went through the abuse cannot bear talking about their experiences because they flashback to this part of the abuse where they feel so disgusting and dirty, and this makes it difficult for them to talk.
In this case, I use the technique which I call ‘’A perfect carer/nurturer guided imagery/hypnosis’’ when the client needs to imagine the rewriting their story to the story with a much better outcome, rather than talking about their story.
What is the process of a perfect carer guided imagery like:
To start with I would make sure the client feels comfortable and safe asking them to think of their peaceful place where they feel relaxed and calm.
I can use Bilateral Stimulation (tapping on the client’s knees) to enhance the feeling of relaxation and safety.
Then I would ask them to imagine how would their own best version of the perfect carer look like.
So, the client who survived sexual abuse can create a picture in their mind.
The next step would be to ask the client: “What do you think if we brought your “perfect carer” now what do you think they would say?”
Then I would gently engage the client in the imagery exercise, and I might ask:
“What does your “perfect carer” think about what you went through? What do they want you to know? How does she/he think, would be most helpful for you to think and feel? And what would have to happen for you to be able to do that?”
Why does it make the difference to use the guided imagery rather than talking about the experience?
Using the imagery as our main work in sexual abuse treatment, in this case, it is like a magic vehicle, allowing accessing a different perspective that doesn’t seem to be that easily accessible when the mind is traumatized.
Very often the traumatized mind goes to blaming thoughts. And then the client spirals into the negative thoughts, images and feel very distressed by them.
By imagining and changing the imagery bit by bit, step by step the client is in control. The client feels empowered to recreate the whole story which is very therapeutic.
The client might say from the part of their perfect carer:
“You know what, when I hear you blaming yourself for this, I feel really sad for you. But I want you to know this is not your fault. What you went through can easily explain why you feel those feelings of shame and humiliation. But I do not want you to feel that feeling. I just want you to remember that this is a sad, horrible experience that you went through, and I am here to support you with every step you make from now on. From now on we will be like a strong team you and me and I will support you all the way and will pick you up in case if you take a step backwards’’
Shifting the emotions from guilt and shame to sadness and grief is an important healing step.
And I think one of the most important things is that the “perfect carer” imagery, brings up sadness and grief to start with rather than shame and guilt.
This might feel like a sad experience for the client but because that is when we start to recover, we connect with the sadness of the events, that’s when we start the grief process.
When people start to connect with sadness, then things are moving. The things then start shifting to the positive healing the wounds eventually.