When we experience a loss, it is normal to feel a range of emotions. One of the most difficult feelings to cope with is guilt and shame. These emotions can be especially overwhelming if we are unable to process them healthily.
I used to work for Bradford Bereavement support for several years and processing Grief is one of my specialties.
Why Do We Feel Guilt?
There are many reasons why we might feel guilty after a loss. For example, if we were not able to be with the person who died, we might feel like we could have done more or said more. Or, if the death was unexpected, we might blame ourselves for not being able to prevent it. It is important to remember that these feelings are normal and that it is okay to feel them.
Why Do We Feel Shame?
Shame is a bit different from guilt. Shame is often more intense and can be harder to recover from. We might feel shame if we think that we are responsible for the death or if we believe that we could have done something to prevent it.
How To Process Guilt and Shame?
Guilt and shame are two very different emotions, but they can both be incredibly painful to experience. Guilt is often described as a feeling of responsibility or remorse for something that we have done. Shame, on the other hand, is a feeling of worthlessness or inadequacy. Both of these emotions can make us feel isolated and alone.
It is important to remember that grief is a process, and it takes time to work through all of the emotions that we are feeling. There are no right or wrong ways to grieve, and there is no timeline for healing.
If you are struggling with guilt or shame, here are some tips that may help you to cope:
1. Talk About it
Talk to someone who you trust about what you are feeling. This can be a friend, family member, or therapist. It is important to have someone to talk to who will understand and support you. Talking to someone will also help you to process your emotions in a healthy way.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone about your feelings, you can also write about them in a journal. Writing can be a therapeutic way to express what you are feeling and to work through your emotions.
2. Acknowledge Your Feelings
It is important to acknowledge your feelings of guilt and shame. This can be a difficult thing to do, but it is an important step in the healing process.
It will also help you to understand that these feelings are a natural part of the grieving process. Many people feel guilty and ashamed after the death of a loved one. These feelings are normal, and they are a part of the grieving process.
3. Realize What Your Guilt is About
Often, our feelings of guilt are based on things that we cannot control. For example, we might feel guilty because we were not able to be with the person who died. However, it is important to remember that there is nothing we could have done to change the outcome.
Realizing what your guilt is about will help you to understand that these feelings are not your fault. Guilt is a normal part of grief, but it is important to realize that we cannot control the way we feel.
4. Open to Forgive Yourself
It is important to forgive yourself for any mistakes that you might have made. Forgiving yourself will help you to move on from the guilt and shame that you are feeling. It will also help you to understand that everyone makes mistakes.
No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. Forgiving yourself will help you to accept this and to move on from the guilt and shame that you are feeling.
5. Seek Professional Help
If you are struggling to cope with your feelings of guilt and shame, seek professional help. A therapist can help you to understand your emotions and to work through them in a healthy way.
Seeking professional help is an important step if you are struggling to cope with your feelings of guilt and shame.
How Can EMDR Help With Guilt and Shame?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a type of therapy that can help to treat guilt and shame. EMDR can help us to process our emotions in a healthy way. It will allow us to work through our emotions and neutralize the negative emotions in case of prolonged or traumatizing grief.
EMDR can help us to see our experiences in a new light. It can help us to understand that we are not to blame for what happened. EMDR can also help us to forgive ourselves and to move on from the guilt and shame that we are feeling.
EMDR can help us to feel better about ourselves and to move on from the pain that we are feeling. If you are struggling with guilt and shame, EMDR is a perfect option for you.
Conclusion
So these were some tips on how to process guilt and shame during grief. Guilt and shame are normal parts of the grieving process. However, it is important to understand that we cannot control the way we feel. Acknowledging our feelings, forgiving ourselves, and seeking professional help can all help us cope.
Grief is a part of life and not something that we can move on easily. There is no recipe for healthy grief or tasks that need to be worked through to achieve healing.
Grief becomes a part of our life story, part of ourselves. As time goes on, the harsh effects of grief become less painful, and the pain eventually subsides.
EMDR in combination with hypnotherapy and talking therapy would be the best way forward
If you are struggling to cope with your feelings of guilt and shame, I would be happy to provide you with an assessment consultation to build a tailored to your needs therapy program.
Don’t hesitate to contact me. I would be more than happy to help