What is the Self-Critical Inner Voice?
The self-critical inner voice is a pattern of destructive thoughts we experience in ourselves. This nagging “voice,” sounds like an internalized monologue that comes up to the surface mostly when we are stressed, unwell or upset.
Are you aware of that voice?
The self-critical inner voice is not your imagination; it is experienced as though someone is talking in your head.
Do you criticize yourself often?
Can you be kind to others, but not yourself?
Can you be a good friend, but find it difficult to be a friend to yourself?
Can you give wise advice to your close ones, but somehow it feels incredibly difficult to do it for yourself?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may have a self-critical inner voice.
Intrusive Thoughts and Our Inner Critic
Imagine your mind as a busy playground where unexpected thoughts swing by uninvited – these are intrusive thoughts. They team up with the inner critic, like buddies who make things a bit tougher.
Let’s say you spill something; the intrusive thought says you’re clumsy, and the inner critic adds, “You always mess up.” Now, it’s not just about the spill – it’s about feeling bad about yourself.
Understanding this dynamic is like solving a puzzle. Instead of being tough on yourself, picture offering a friend a kind word if they spilled something. That’s how we can rewire our thoughts, making the playground a happier place.
How Does the Self-Critical Inner Voice Affect Us?
The critical inner voice is an internal bully that can affect every aspect of our lives, including our
- self-esteem and confidence,
- beliefs in our abilities and talents
- accomplishments in our studies or at work.
- relationships in private or professional lives.
These negative thoughts affect us by undermining our positive feelings about ourselves and as a result, we lose our self-esteem and criticize ourselves even more. It then becomes a vicious cycle.
What Are Some Examples of Common Self-Critical Inner Voices?
If you were to make a mistake, you might call yourself an idiot. This is a common example of a self-critical inner voice.
If something didn’t work the way you wanted it to, you might call yourself useless or pathetic. This is another common example.
Would you do the same to someone else?
Would you call your friend an idiot? ( I hope not!)
Would you tell them that they are useless when something is not quite working the way they want?
I bet you would never want to bully someone else, yet you can somehow easily bully yourself most days.
Be more kind to yourself!
Where Do Critical Inner Voices Come From?
These inner voices usually come from early life experiences from the authority figures. Often, many of these negative voices come from our parents or unhelpful teachers, siblings, or other influential adults.
These authority figures can put their own self-limiting beliefs on us.
As children, we pick up on the negative attitudes that parents have towards themselves. We can literally pick up their fears and insecurities too!
How Can I Banish My Self-Critical Inner Monologue?
Well, there is good news!!!
Imagine that self-negative talk is a separate part of you. It’s not the whole you, it is only a part of you. It might be a very big part for now, but it is still just a part.
In Psychology, we call this part of the brain Poison Parrot!
Poison Parrot is a critical part of our brain that sometimes gets out of control. That nasty parrot has been specifically trained to be unhelpful to you, to destroy your confidence and self-esteem, continuously commenting on you and your life, in a way that constantly puts you down.
Examples of the poison parrot talk:
For example, the bus gets stuck in a traffic jam, and you arrive at work 10 minutes late. The parrot sits there saying: “There you go again. Late. You just can’t manage to get there on time, can you? So stupid. If you’d left the house and got the earlier bus you’d have arrived with loads of time to spare and the boss would be happy. Useless. Waste of space. Pathetic!”
My poison parrot was massive when I couldn’t pass my driving test ( thank goodness I did it eventually!): He used to say to me “Such a stupid mistake. You have been to this roundabout at least 20 times!!! You just can’t do it. You are a useless driver!”
And guess how hearing it could make me feel? Horrible, you are right!
How can we manage our parrot?
We hear the parrot, believe him, get upset, and it creates negative energy around us. Then it affects the way we behave towards others, how we are, what we think about the world, and how we think and feel about ourselves.
Surely, before you can argue with your parrot, you need to become aware of when it’s talking and what exactly it says. Once you get the hang of that, after time and practice you’ll be able to manage your parrot.
Is there a difference between the Self-Critical part of our brain and Poison Parrot?
Yes, there is! Your Self-Critical Inner Voice can challenge you and help you to overcome any problem, it doesn’t belittle you like Poison Parrot does.
Poison Parrot’s voice is very annoying, and only brings you down, it can never help you to find the solution, only to give up.
Here an example, imagine yourself walking down a familiar road, it can be anywhere you know. Then you spot your friend walking down the opposite side, you wave to them but they don’t wave back.
Your Poison Parrot may tell you things like “Did I do something wrong to them? Do they not like me anymore? Do any of my friends like me anymore?”. Whereas your Self-Critical Inner Voice may tell you “Maybe I should try to stand out more, they may notice me then”.
So how would it make you feel if you believe your poison parrot at the time?
Exactly! I bet it wouldn’t make you feel very good.
Is it possible to train my poison parrot?
Yes, you can!
I usually recommend my clients to train their Poison Parrot as if it’s a naughty pet.
You can say “NO’’, “GET OFF’’, “Naughty parrot. Go to your cage now!’’ You can even imagine putting fabric on the top of the cage. Be creative. Do whatever your imagination allows you to!
Believe me, it really does help!
Your poison parrot soon will be well trained and will be working for you rather than against you.
Self-negative talk can be related to our unresolved trauma!
If the parrot comes from an authority figure in your life (could be your father for instance!) and it is trauma-related you need to address it with your therapist.
In my practice, I use hypnotic techniques to make the sound of that poison parrot quieter and the size of that parrot smaller. So then he is under your control and behaving himself.
With time You will notice it less and less. It might just give up its poison eventually or fly off to wherever poisoned parrots fly to.
Another way of conquering your negative self-talk is Parts therapy.
I absolutely love the theory of Parts.
You can watch the intro video here.
If you wish to look deeper and resolve trauma from the past, I would recommend EMDR Therapy.
This picture was shared kindly by one of my clients who is training their poison parrot to be good for them.
