Have you been living with anxious attachment, or think that a loved one or friend might be struggling with this? In many cases, learning how to fix an anxious attachment style can seem like a difficult challenge, and we often feel overwhelmed trying to find where to begin. Still, there are plenty of ways to overcome anxious attachment style if it’s been controlling your life – and we’ll be by your side throughout the process.
What is the Anxious Attachment Style?
Insecure attachment means that a person grew up with emotionally distant parents who could not express their love towards the child and therefore could not meet their emotional needs. As an outcome, these grown-up often feel needy, jealous, angry which comes from their internal belief of being unloved.
Insecure attachment in early childhood shows the child that they are not good enough to be loved.
Very often people who grew up in families with anxious attachment struggle to create and keep meaningful adult relationships. They often get involved in toxic relationships and experience anger issues, depression or a high sense of anxiety In serious cases, they can experience personality disorders.
What Causes Anxious Attachment?
One of the most important steps for us to consider when learning about how to fix anxious attachment style is considering what causes this in the first place. Indeed, healing from anxious attachment can be much more difficult without first identifying the cause of your worries.
WebMD explains that an anxious attachment style is when someone wants to be around other people but is unsure if this is reciprocated. It’s a very common form of attachment and can often lead directly to anxiety and depression.
For many of us, anxious attachment styles often occur when we have experienced inconsistent care and attention as a child. For example, if your friends or parents responded at times but not at others, this can rapidly begin to develop feelings of insecurity, doubt, and worry. In short: it’s often a mild form of childhood trauma that leaves us doubting our own self-worth and value.
In turn, this may lead you to develop an anxious attachment style. With an anxious attachment style, you may desperately want companionship from others. However, it can be a struggle to understand whether they want this back.
Don’t worry; you can learn how to fix an anxious attachment style with a few simple strategies and methods.
How to Fix Anxious Attachment Style
If you’re ready to begin the journey of healing from an anxious attachment style, the following tips may be great options to consider. Remember: though it seems hard, healing from emotional trauma is absolutely possible with a few simple methods.
#1 Learn to Communicate with your Loved Ones
Communication skills are one of the most important things you need to master to heal from anxious attachment style. Many people suffering from anxious attachment struggle to convey their worries and concerns. You may also find it difficult to understand your loved one’s thoughts and feelings. As such, taking time out to communicate effectively may prove crucial.
#2 Look After Your Own Values
In many cases, anxious attachment style can feed off our actions. We often strive to “prove ourselves” to a loved one by going above and beyond, which can leave us failing to make time for ourselves. It can develop a routine of thinking that our partners need this devotion to stay in love with us. As such, as recommended by the Happiness Clinic, take some time out for you. This can help you gradually develop new boundaries and learn your value in the relationship.
#3 Practice Mindfulness to Recognise your Triggers
Many of us don’t realise when our anxious attachment begins to cause difficulties in our lives. As such, practicing mindfulness can be an excellent way to overcome this. Being more aware of your own actions may help you find the most effective way forwards.
Moreover, this helps you recognise when you might be “trying too hard.” Plus, it helps you understand the triggers you experience. In turn, you’ll be able to avoid these triggers and lead a more confident, happy lifestyle.
#4 Help Your Partner
Not everything has to fall on you. And, if your partner also suffers from an anxious attachment style, things can seem far more difficult to handle. As such, if you notice your partner is experiencing the same things as you, try to help them heal and communicate, too. It can reap dividends for your relationship and your own attachment style.
#5 Talk to a Therapist
Did you know that your professional therapist can often help with recovery from anxious attachment? EMDR is especially effective in this regard, allowing you to reprocess early childhood memories that are causing your feelings of confusion and relationship anxiety – thereby allowing you to feel more open and appreciated by your loved ones.
Remember: you are absolutely worth it, and your loved ones will be by your side to help – even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Final Thoughts
Many of us assume we’re alone with anxious attachment – but that’s not the case at all. In fact, anxious attachment is one of the three main insecure attachment styles, and it’s pretty common! With this thought in mind, there are plenty of ways you can also overcome and learn how to fix anxious attachment style in your relationships. While it might seem scary right now, we’ll work through this process together. So, please contact me today to see how we can help you find the perfect way forward for your own anxious attachment style.