I still remember my first breakup—the shock, the pain, the endless crying, and eating chocolates for comfort. I was desperate to get better ASAP. But that’s not how healing really works. It takes time.
Heartbreaks are tough. They impact your self-image and often make you feel as if there’s something wrong with you and the breakup was your fault. These negative beliefs arise as you grieve the loss of a relationship.
There’s no fixed timeline to how long it might take you to move on. It could take days, weeks, or months. Some people might take even longer, depending on their situation. If someone had suffered from abuse during the relationship or been cheated on, they might experience serious trauma. In such cases, therapy is recommended.
When you find yourself in the throes of heartbreak and are unable to move on, EMDR therapy can help.
What Is EMDR?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing or EMDR is a form of psychotherapy that helps people heal from traumatic life experiences. It was founded in 1989 by the prominent psychologist, Francine Shapiro.
EMDR therapy uses bilateral stimulation to help you process disturbing memories and experiences, so that you can accept your past and move on.
It was initially developed to treat anxiety associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) but was later found to be effective in treating other conditions too, like depression and anxiety.
Research has shown that EMDR therapy reduces the negative emotions associated with the traumatic event that the person had experienced. It also makes the memory less vivid so that it doesn’t feel as powerful.
After going through EMDR, people no longer find a memory as disturbing or disruptive as they did before starting the therapy.
Here’s a short video explaining EMDR therapy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IPsBPH2M1U
The 8 Phases of EMDR
EMDR fuses together visualization techniques and eye-hand movements to process disturbing memories. The therapist then helps you replace negative emotions and beliefs with more positive ones.
As Deborah Korn, a prominent psychotherapist says, EMDR offers “patients a chance to fully ‘reprocess’ their traumatic memories – to reconsider their experiences and come to fully know, feel, express and reflect on what previously had been too overwhelming to approach.”
There are 8 phases of EMDR therapy:
- Phase 1: Taking the history
The first phase involves examining your medical history and talking about your trauma. It’s a full assessment that takes into account past memories and future goals.
- Phase 2: Preparation
In this phase, your therapist will explain to you how EMDR works and the procedures involved. They will also teach you tools to cope with the stress induced by the trauma.
- Phase 3: Assessment
During this phase, your therapist will identify the target memory that elicits negative emotions.
- Phases 4-7
These phases involve changing how you associate trauma with the triggering event. The actual bilateral stimulation happens during these stages and you learn to build and strengthen positive beliefs. You also notice if any residual sensations are left to be processed.
- Phase 8: Evaluation
The last stage of the therapy is to assess the treatment effects. It is to see how far you’ve come and evaluate if there’s anything that needs more work.
These are the phases of treatment you’ll go through as you process your memories related to the past relationship and breakup, and the feelings it induces in you when you think about it.
Watch this video to see a live demonstration of the 8 phases of EMDR:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6UvKhLYf7w
How EMDR Therapy Can Help With Heartbreak
EMDR is a powerful technique to help you move on from a break up. Here’s how it can help you:
- Let go of the past trauma
EMDR is focused on helping you heal from trauma. This is especially important if you have gone through physical or emotional abuse in your past relationship. EMDR changes the pathways in your brain so that new connections can be forged.
- Decrease anxiety
EMDR is immensely effective in reducing anxiety. You are enabled to manage your anxious thoughts that arise when you think of your breakup and truly be in the present. You can think more clearly and have a different perspective of why things happened the way they did.
- Lasting change
EMDR therapy has been shown to have a lasting change even after the treatment ends, especially in those suffering from depression.
So, even after your sessions end, you’ll see the impact of EMDR persist for a long time.
- Rapid results
Compared to other forms of therapy, EMDR yields faster results. People begin to see positive changes in as few as 3 sessions. While EMDR is no magic pill, those going through a difficult breakup experience will find solace even in a minor relief.
- Transform beliefs about yourself
A breakup can be a big blow to your self-esteem and confidence. You start harboring negative beliefs about yourself like “I’m not good enough”, “I don’t deserve to be loved.” EMDR helps you change these beliefs into more empowering ones as you learn to be compassionate toward yourself.
- Feel freedom to move on
Many people in my practice describe the experience after EMDR as finding freedom from shackles. They feel more free and believe they can finally move on. They are no longer afraid or fearful of trusting new people and forming relationships.
- Tools that help even in future
The tools and techniques you learn during the sessions such as grounding techniques stay with you for a lifetime. During minor events, you can put them into practice to better cope with your situation. These tools stay with you for life.
Final Words
Breakups are hard. There’s no denying it. Some people find themselves stuck in one place after a painful breakup—experiencing the troubling memories again and again, as if it’s still happening.
There’s no shame in asking for help. EMDR is a proven therapy to ease your trauma and negative emotions associated with a past experience. It’s a highly effective way to heal from heartbreak and associated negative emotions.
If you’d like to book an assessment session to learn more about EMDR and how it can help you heal, click here.